About a year and a half ago I had rotator cuff surgery. Recovery and physical therapy for my shoulder was one of the most difficult and painful things that I've ever had to endure and it was a very humbling experience. Recently, my daughter was in a bicycle accident. She broke her collar bone in several places and had to undergo surgery and the placement of a steel plate and 7 screws to keep her bone together. Because of a stroke she suffered her life has only been with the use of one arm, and then to have extremely limited use of that arm due to an injury...well, lets again talk about a humbling experience.
I hear about countless injuries, accidents and surgeries constantly and sometimes I wonder "why"? Why this person or why that person? I've gone through my day today with severe back pain, been on the verge of tears all day long and again wondered "why"? I finally came to the conclusion...that this is simply my trial to bear and I'd rather bear my trial than anyone else's. Getting old sucks, but the truth is there are much younger people than myself who bear tremendous physical trials all the time. I can't imagine what other people go through, the pain, the suffering.
After I had my rotator cuff surgery I ended up in the hospital with pneumonia and then to top it off an allergic reaction to drugs. It was awful. There was a time during those experiences when I felt like I lost hope. I cannot even adequately express the despair and discouragement that I felt. It was as if nothing mattered and nothing would ever be better. But, eventually with prayer and faith it did get better...eventually my hope returned and life became important again.
I believe that we're all faced with challenges unique to us, unique to our circumstances, our personalities. I believe that we're all blessed with the opportunity to find hope. We live in a world that would have us keep our hope to ourselves. A world that says, "Think about yourself first and what you want, nobody else matters" I couldn't agree less. We have the wonderful opportunity in our lives to help others. To bear one another's burdens, to lift one another up, to be an example of charity and love.
When is the last time that any of us went out of our way to help someone? Not because we were asked to but because we saw a need and took action? I was at the grocery store today and I had some heavy items in my cart, and as I said before my back pain has had me close to tears all day, the woman who was checking me out...maybe seeing a little of my pain...said so many kind things to me and helped me with the items...that I almost cried right there.
Life is about helping others. I sit here typing and I'm so consumed with gratefulness for kind people that tears fill my eyes. I hope, truly, that I can see other's needs and help without being asked. I hope that I can give back just a little of what others do for me, because when all is said and done...it's all about everyone else.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
Courage
A couple of years ago my hubby and I had the opportunity to go to Hawaii. It was a glorious 3 week vacation, visiting 4 different islands, seeing an incredibly beautiful part of the world...truly wonderful. Of course I tried to save all my gift shopping til the very last so I didn't have to carry it around in my suitcase from island to island. So, on the last night of our trip we did two very important things...we visited the Dole Pineapple Plantation so that the hubby could have that mouth watering pineapple ice cream one last time and we found a Walmart so that I could get the best deal on buying boxes of chocolates to share with friends and family.
The Dole Plantation went off without a hitch, but our trip to Walmart ended up a little differently. When we drove into the parking lot it immediately became clear that something was not right. It seemed that everyone had stopped mid stream, people walking out of the store stopped in their tracks, others walking towards the store seemed frozen. Our eyes were quickly directed towards the reason for this seemingly unnatural situation. In a car parked not too far from the store entrance sat a woman...screaming. She sat in the driver's seat and at the top of her lungs she was screaming and yelling at a man standing next to her window. It became very obvious that things were not good. As my husband and I watched a female security guard walked tentatively towards the couple. The young man yelled some obscenities and threats at the woman and she quickly retreated.
At one point the young man raised his hand, as if to strike the screaming woman through her open window, only to lower it and scream right back at her. Finally, as an entire parking lot full of people watched the young man reached through the open window, unlocked the back door, opened it, sat down and closed the door. The woman continued screaming and crying while again...everyone seemed frozen.
I'm ashamed to say that my task of getting chocolates wasn't lost from my mind. Looking back, I believe I simply thought, "I'm sure someone is calling the police and I just need to get what I came here for". As my husband inched slowly up to the store entrance I opened my door and proceeded inside with the understanding that my husband would pull back up to the store when he saw me emerge with my precious purchases.
When I entered I heard over the loud speaker that the police had been called. That seemed to take the problem even further from my mind and I set about tracking down those yummy treats that only can be found in Hawaii. After what seemed like only a few minutes I ventured up to the check out line. In reality it had probably been about 10 or 15 minutes (you know how time flies when you're shopping). While standing in line the couple in front of me remarked on the incident that had occurred outside. I don't recall what they said, only the image of that young woman that entered my mind again. Having grown up in an abusive household I felt a great deal of sorrow for her, but knew that it had been handled.
I walked out the door finding the parking lot calm and peaceful. No screaming couple...no police... just cars coming and going on a warm sunny day. I stood there only a few minutes before my husband came driving up, I got in the car and we drove towards our hotel. What my husband told me next made me so grateful, yet so ashamed, that I will never forget this experience in my life.
After I went into the store my husband had gone and parked the car. He told me that without a thought of danger to himself he had gotten out of the car and walked up to the car of that screaming woman. His first and only thought was to help. His first and only thought was to help not only that young woman, but...the young man. As he beckoned some other men, standing in the parking lot watching, over to stand near him...he opened the back door to the car and said to the young man, "Whether you're right or wrong, you need to get out of the car" He said it was only as he opened the door that he noticed the baby strapped in the car seat beside the young man.
The young man got out of the car, the police drove up...and my husband returned to our car to wait for me. Thus, by the time I finished my shopping...all was calm.
As we talked about what had transpired my husband realized that nobody knew if that young man was dangerous. My husband had no idea whether that young man had a gun or another weapon, it certainly would not have been surprising in this day and age if he had. There was no thought except to do what needed to be done. Maybe, it was a stupid move? It could have ended very tragically, but it didn't.
I wonder how many of us would sit by and watch and not act, out of fear for ourselves? I know, my thoughts were on chocolate and not what I could do to help. I wonder how many of us lack the courage to do what we know is right? Have we grown so complacent in our lives that we would choose to watch and let someone else fight the evil that invades our lives so smoothly? I'd like to think that I learned my lesson from this experience. I'd like to think that I wouldn't sit by again...and think about trivial unimportant material things...when there is someone openly hurting. I'd like to think...I'd act.
While I choose to learn from this experience...I'm also grateful. Grateful for a man who stood up for what he knew was right. I'm grateful for a man in my life who shows me what it truly is to be courageous, not only in thought but in action. I'm grateful for a man who had the presence of mind not to sit and watch...and the courage and strength to open a car door for a young man who clearly needed a righteous example.
The Dole Plantation went off without a hitch, but our trip to Walmart ended up a little differently. When we drove into the parking lot it immediately became clear that something was not right. It seemed that everyone had stopped mid stream, people walking out of the store stopped in their tracks, others walking towards the store seemed frozen. Our eyes were quickly directed towards the reason for this seemingly unnatural situation. In a car parked not too far from the store entrance sat a woman...screaming. She sat in the driver's seat and at the top of her lungs she was screaming and yelling at a man standing next to her window. It became very obvious that things were not good. As my husband and I watched a female security guard walked tentatively towards the couple. The young man yelled some obscenities and threats at the woman and she quickly retreated.
At one point the young man raised his hand, as if to strike the screaming woman through her open window, only to lower it and scream right back at her. Finally, as an entire parking lot full of people watched the young man reached through the open window, unlocked the back door, opened it, sat down and closed the door. The woman continued screaming and crying while again...everyone seemed frozen.
I'm ashamed to say that my task of getting chocolates wasn't lost from my mind. Looking back, I believe I simply thought, "I'm sure someone is calling the police and I just need to get what I came here for". As my husband inched slowly up to the store entrance I opened my door and proceeded inside with the understanding that my husband would pull back up to the store when he saw me emerge with my precious purchases.
When I entered I heard over the loud speaker that the police had been called. That seemed to take the problem even further from my mind and I set about tracking down those yummy treats that only can be found in Hawaii. After what seemed like only a few minutes I ventured up to the check out line. In reality it had probably been about 10 or 15 minutes (you know how time flies when you're shopping). While standing in line the couple in front of me remarked on the incident that had occurred outside. I don't recall what they said, only the image of that young woman that entered my mind again. Having grown up in an abusive household I felt a great deal of sorrow for her, but knew that it had been handled.
I walked out the door finding the parking lot calm and peaceful. No screaming couple...no police... just cars coming and going on a warm sunny day. I stood there only a few minutes before my husband came driving up, I got in the car and we drove towards our hotel. What my husband told me next made me so grateful, yet so ashamed, that I will never forget this experience in my life.
After I went into the store my husband had gone and parked the car. He told me that without a thought of danger to himself he had gotten out of the car and walked up to the car of that screaming woman. His first and only thought was to help. His first and only thought was to help not only that young woman, but...the young man. As he beckoned some other men, standing in the parking lot watching, over to stand near him...he opened the back door to the car and said to the young man, "Whether you're right or wrong, you need to get out of the car" He said it was only as he opened the door that he noticed the baby strapped in the car seat beside the young man.
The young man got out of the car, the police drove up...and my husband returned to our car to wait for me. Thus, by the time I finished my shopping...all was calm.
As we talked about what had transpired my husband realized that nobody knew if that young man was dangerous. My husband had no idea whether that young man had a gun or another weapon, it certainly would not have been surprising in this day and age if he had. There was no thought except to do what needed to be done. Maybe, it was a stupid move? It could have ended very tragically, but it didn't.
I wonder how many of us would sit by and watch and not act, out of fear for ourselves? I know, my thoughts were on chocolate and not what I could do to help. I wonder how many of us lack the courage to do what we know is right? Have we grown so complacent in our lives that we would choose to watch and let someone else fight the evil that invades our lives so smoothly? I'd like to think that I learned my lesson from this experience. I'd like to think that I wouldn't sit by again...and think about trivial unimportant material things...when there is someone openly hurting. I'd like to think...I'd act.
While I choose to learn from this experience...I'm also grateful. Grateful for a man who stood up for what he knew was right. I'm grateful for a man in my life who shows me what it truly is to be courageous, not only in thought but in action. I'm grateful for a man who had the presence of mind not to sit and watch...and the courage and strength to open a car door for a young man who clearly needed a righteous example.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Leavin my baby....
Strong convictions make a person do difficult things. I believe in my religion with all of my heart, I know of it's truthfulness and can bear testimony to anyone of a kind and loving God and Savior. I believe those things so deeply that today I left my son at the Missionary Training Center in Provo Utah...not to be seen again for two years.
We hugged for a very long time, tears streaming down our cheeks. I knew he would be fine, I knew I would be fine but, man oh man...I'm gonna miss that kid. I'm so proud of him though. He chose to serve this mission, yes...I whole heartedly supported him, but at any time he could have chosen not to become a full-time servant of the Lord. Yet, even though he was scared of the unknown...he did it. And he did it well! What a great looking son I have.
Our children do things to make us proud, some times they do things things that don't make us so proud but, today I'd have to say...was an incredibly proud day. This young man...who gave me so much grief and so many gray hairs over the years really did good. Oh, the stories I could tell about when he was growing up....lol. But, to have him reach this point in his life where he is a clean, moral, worthy 19 year old male...willing to serve others...makes me more proud than I can even express.
Sometimes, sacrifice must accompany hard choices but it usually returns 10 fold in great blessings. I know that this experience for Carson will help him identify both sacrifice and blessing and learn a greater understanding of what those are to him in his life and I know that by sacrificing my son for two years I will be blessed along with our entire family.
How blessed our family is to have the knowledge of a higher power and have a greater understanding of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, than many. I hope that anyone reading my post will know that a they are loved by a loving Father in Heaven and a chosen Savior. My son may even be on his way to find you and teach you just that. May we all open our hearts and our minds so that we can be blessed.
judy
We hugged for a very long time, tears streaming down our cheeks. I knew he would be fine, I knew I would be fine but, man oh man...I'm gonna miss that kid. I'm so proud of him though. He chose to serve this mission, yes...I whole heartedly supported him, but at any time he could have chosen not to become a full-time servant of the Lord. Yet, even though he was scared of the unknown...he did it. And he did it well! What a great looking son I have.
Our children do things to make us proud, some times they do things things that don't make us so proud but, today I'd have to say...was an incredibly proud day. This young man...who gave me so much grief and so many gray hairs over the years really did good. Oh, the stories I could tell about when he was growing up....lol. But, to have him reach this point in his life where he is a clean, moral, worthy 19 year old male...willing to serve others...makes me more proud than I can even express.
Sometimes, sacrifice must accompany hard choices but it usually returns 10 fold in great blessings. I know that this experience for Carson will help him identify both sacrifice and blessing and learn a greater understanding of what those are to him in his life and I know that by sacrificing my son for two years I will be blessed along with our entire family.
How blessed our family is to have the knowledge of a higher power and have a greater understanding of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, than many. I hope that anyone reading my post will know that a they are loved by a loving Father in Heaven and a chosen Savior. My son may even be on his way to find you and teach you just that. May we all open our hearts and our minds so that we can be blessed.
judy
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Making it Happen
So, after much hesitation and procrastination my hubby and I finally moved forward with our life plan. We decided, about a week ago, that we really needed to do "something" to start the ball rolling. We took some pictures of our house and posted it up for rent on Craigslist. We actually started out a little higher than we thought we could get and we figured it might take us a little time to find someone who wanted to pay that much.
Three hours later I had had phone calls from 3 different people and by the next day we had five different parties coming to look at the house and every one of them was interested in renting. Then, we had to make a decision. Everyone seemed so nice when we met them, they all had great jobs and what seemed to be awesome kids. I couldn't imagine that any one of them would be unreliable or not take care of our home, but ultimately we had to choose the family that felt right. It was so hard to call the others and tell them we had decided not to rent to them, but I guess that's just part of being a landlord.
So, in May we will be moving out of our lovely home and into...something...somewhere. We haven't quite decided where we're going yet. Life has been very busy figuring out how to finish up our schooling and where exactly we can do that. Just today we finally figured out that we'll both be able to finish our bachelor's degrees from right here in our town and the we'll have to decide where we'd like to get our Master's. Which means we'll be able to stay here for at least another year to year and a half.
So why rent out our home? Have you ever done something that you weren't quite sure about just because it felt like the right thing to do? That pretty much sums it up for us. We simply felt like it was the right thing to do. We're not sure if we'll rent an apartment or buy another small home. It would sure be nice if we could own some properties and rent then out, but then again maybe we'll end up in the trailer park? Just kidding. Truth is though, it really doesn't matter where we live...wherever it is will be home.
I learned a long time ago that that illusive place called "home" is simply where your heart is full. Whether it's in an apartment, a small house, a large house or the infamous double wide, if that's where your heart feels good then that's home.
I've had many different homes in my life. I think I counted the other day and I've moved close to 20 or more times...and all after the age of 19. Maybe staying in one house so long made it easy for me to move around, but all I know is...I like it! I love moving into a new to me house or apartment and making it mine. I love redecorating, even if it's with all my same old stuff. It all seems to look better when it's on a new wall or in a different room and I get the chance to appreciate it all over again.
So, even though I have no idea where I'm going to be living in 7 weeks or so, I'm excited. I'm excited for change and I'm excited to move and I'm excited that that next chapter is starting. It may be in the midst of my son leaving on his two year mission and my daughter may be having her second child and I might be starting college one more time...but...how fun it will be! Life is good my friends and I can't wait!
Three hours later I had had phone calls from 3 different people and by the next day we had five different parties coming to look at the house and every one of them was interested in renting. Then, we had to make a decision. Everyone seemed so nice when we met them, they all had great jobs and what seemed to be awesome kids. I couldn't imagine that any one of them would be unreliable or not take care of our home, but ultimately we had to choose the family that felt right. It was so hard to call the others and tell them we had decided not to rent to them, but I guess that's just part of being a landlord.
So, in May we will be moving out of our lovely home and into...something...somewhere. We haven't quite decided where we're going yet. Life has been very busy figuring out how to finish up our schooling and where exactly we can do that. Just today we finally figured out that we'll both be able to finish our bachelor's degrees from right here in our town and the we'll have to decide where we'd like to get our Master's. Which means we'll be able to stay here for at least another year to year and a half.
So why rent out our home? Have you ever done something that you weren't quite sure about just because it felt like the right thing to do? That pretty much sums it up for us. We simply felt like it was the right thing to do. We're not sure if we'll rent an apartment or buy another small home. It would sure be nice if we could own some properties and rent then out, but then again maybe we'll end up in the trailer park? Just kidding. Truth is though, it really doesn't matter where we live...wherever it is will be home.
I learned a long time ago that that illusive place called "home" is simply where your heart is full. Whether it's in an apartment, a small house, a large house or the infamous double wide, if that's where your heart feels good then that's home.
I've had many different homes in my life. I think I counted the other day and I've moved close to 20 or more times...and all after the age of 19. Maybe staying in one house so long made it easy for me to move around, but all I know is...I like it! I love moving into a new to me house or apartment and making it mine. I love redecorating, even if it's with all my same old stuff. It all seems to look better when it's on a new wall or in a different room and I get the chance to appreciate it all over again.
So, even though I have no idea where I'm going to be living in 7 weeks or so, I'm excited. I'm excited for change and I'm excited to move and I'm excited that that next chapter is starting. It may be in the midst of my son leaving on his two year mission and my daughter may be having her second child and I might be starting college one more time...but...how fun it will be! Life is good my friends and I can't wait!
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Happy to be Me
I have always felt that I could get along with anybody. Given the chance I could be friends with pretty much any person...truly. Reason why? I can listen. I may not agree or even understand what someone tells me, but I am a very good listener. I cannot count the number of people who have borne their souls to me, perfect strangers, simply because I was there listening. Not necessarily anything that I could help them with, but at least they had someone to talk to.
Even though I have felt animosity towards few people in my life, I have come to realize that there are those who don't like me. I remember the first time I found out that someone did not consider me a friend. It hurt me deeply. It took me quite a while to come to grips with the fact that not everyone would like me in my life time.
Through the years I've made mistakes. There was the time when my new friend down the hall in our apartment complex was having a very difficult time with her little daughter. Her daughter simply would not stop biting other children. She had expressed her concerns and worries to me repeatedly. Then, as it would happen, her little girl was over at our apartment and bit my little girl. Without thinking, I lightly bit the little girl back. That did not go over well. Even after my repeated apology my friend did not talk to me for months and then she moved back to her home country of Germany. I never did find out whether that stopped her daughter from biting.
Then there was the time when I rolled the window up on a friend while she was in the midst of speaking to me. Of course she was defending my what would soon be my ex-husband at the time, but still my rudeness, because of being hurt, caused me to lose a good friendship.
Yes, there have been many times when I've probably said or done something that offended someone simply because I was hurt or I was defending myself from attack. It's part of life isn't it? If you haven't experienced that in your life then you truly are a remarkable person and I admire you. Unfortunately I just haven't been good enough or smart enough to keep my mouth shut.
While offending others is an unfortunate part of life there is something that each of us can freely give that overcomes all our stupidity...it's called forgiveness. I've easily given it during my life and then many times I've struggled to give it as well. But, as I truly contemplate all that forgiveness means to each of us, I can smile. I smile knowing that if I extend it to those who may have offended me not only do I feel better, but I'm happier. I'm happy because I know that I'm in charge of me. I'm in charge of my feelings and what I do with them.
Nobody, and I mean nobody, can make you feel a certain way. If you're sad it's because you choose to feel that way. If you're depressed or angry or lonely it's because YOU choose to feel that way and do nothing about it. Our life is about taking responsibility for ourselves and being the best that we can be. I read a scripture that says, "Men are that they might have joy" and I truly believe that that is true with all my heart. By me forgiving others, and hopefully them forgiving me...by me working to take responsibility for how I feel towards anything or anyone I will find that happiness that is intended for me to have and I will be the person that I want to be.
Even though I have felt animosity towards few people in my life, I have come to realize that there are those who don't like me. I remember the first time I found out that someone did not consider me a friend. It hurt me deeply. It took me quite a while to come to grips with the fact that not everyone would like me in my life time.
Through the years I've made mistakes. There was the time when my new friend down the hall in our apartment complex was having a very difficult time with her little daughter. Her daughter simply would not stop biting other children. She had expressed her concerns and worries to me repeatedly. Then, as it would happen, her little girl was over at our apartment and bit my little girl. Without thinking, I lightly bit the little girl back. That did not go over well. Even after my repeated apology my friend did not talk to me for months and then she moved back to her home country of Germany. I never did find out whether that stopped her daughter from biting.
Then there was the time when I rolled the window up on a friend while she was in the midst of speaking to me. Of course she was defending my what would soon be my ex-husband at the time, but still my rudeness, because of being hurt, caused me to lose a good friendship.
Yes, there have been many times when I've probably said or done something that offended someone simply because I was hurt or I was defending myself from attack. It's part of life isn't it? If you haven't experienced that in your life then you truly are a remarkable person and I admire you. Unfortunately I just haven't been good enough or smart enough to keep my mouth shut.
While offending others is an unfortunate part of life there is something that each of us can freely give that overcomes all our stupidity...it's called forgiveness. I've easily given it during my life and then many times I've struggled to give it as well. But, as I truly contemplate all that forgiveness means to each of us, I can smile. I smile knowing that if I extend it to those who may have offended me not only do I feel better, but I'm happier. I'm happy because I know that I'm in charge of me. I'm in charge of my feelings and what I do with them.
Nobody, and I mean nobody, can make you feel a certain way. If you're sad it's because you choose to feel that way. If you're depressed or angry or lonely it's because YOU choose to feel that way and do nothing about it. Our life is about taking responsibility for ourselves and being the best that we can be. I read a scripture that says, "Men are that they might have joy" and I truly believe that that is true with all my heart. By me forgiving others, and hopefully them forgiving me...by me working to take responsibility for how I feel towards anything or anyone I will find that happiness that is intended for me to have and I will be the person that I want to be.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
The Smart thing to do?
Used to be I thought I pretty much knew what I needed to know. Then again I'm sure all my teenagers thought and think the same thing. But, as I grow older I realize that saying, "The older you get the wiser you are" is definitely true. I suppose a combination of age, experiences and simple brain growth help with that but, I am older and I am definitely wiser. Just ask me.
So why talk about wisdom and smarts? We hear it all the time don't we? You need to get a good education to get ahead in life. How many of us really thought that was true? Funny how when you're a kid you get so sick of school that you can hardly wait to get done...then when you're older you think...darn I wish I would have finished or I wish I had chosen something different. But, by that time maybe you've had some kids, you've got some grandchildren, you own a house, you have a spouse and the thought of going back to school is simply overwhelming..."At my age?"
I've always thought that society had it a little messed up. I mean we're supposed to know what we want to do for the rest of our lives at the age of 18 or 20? We're supposed to plan for our college major while we're in high school? And then we're supposed to do that specific work for the next 50 to 60 years of our lives? It's no wonder that there are so many 40 and 50 year olds having mid-life crises. You've been doing the same thing for 20 or 30 years and you're sick of it! It's kinda like cooking dinner for 40 years, it gets a little old! Granted there are those lucky few who chose the right profession, maybe got the education that they needed to evolve and make themselves happy, but what about the rest of us?
My husband and I had this conversation just the other day, "What to do now that all the kids will be gone?" Well, I'm here to say that I'm scared to death but, we're going back to school. Can you imagine that? But, it's not even just that simple. My husband never got his bachelor's degree and because he's a respiratory therapist it's not the normal bachelor degree. If...if...we don't want him to have to take a gazillion classes over he has to go back to the college where he obtained his respiratory certificate. Which means...we have to move.
So, the smart thing to do...stick that fear where the sun don't shine, pull courage outta my butt and do what needs to be done. We'll be putting the house up for rent, getting friends and loved ones to take the two dogs, putting some of our stuff in storage and moving up north for a few years. I don't know if we'll be back, we'll see where life takes us...but...we've decided we're not gonna sit around and wait to see what happens next. We're gonna make it happen. I don't ever want to look back and say, "I wish I had finished" again.
So why talk about wisdom and smarts? We hear it all the time don't we? You need to get a good education to get ahead in life. How many of us really thought that was true? Funny how when you're a kid you get so sick of school that you can hardly wait to get done...then when you're older you think...darn I wish I would have finished or I wish I had chosen something different. But, by that time maybe you've had some kids, you've got some grandchildren, you own a house, you have a spouse and the thought of going back to school is simply overwhelming..."At my age?"
I've always thought that society had it a little messed up. I mean we're supposed to know what we want to do for the rest of our lives at the age of 18 or 20? We're supposed to plan for our college major while we're in high school? And then we're supposed to do that specific work for the next 50 to 60 years of our lives? It's no wonder that there are so many 40 and 50 year olds having mid-life crises. You've been doing the same thing for 20 or 30 years and you're sick of it! It's kinda like cooking dinner for 40 years, it gets a little old! Granted there are those lucky few who chose the right profession, maybe got the education that they needed to evolve and make themselves happy, but what about the rest of us?
My husband and I had this conversation just the other day, "What to do now that all the kids will be gone?" Well, I'm here to say that I'm scared to death but, we're going back to school. Can you imagine that? But, it's not even just that simple. My husband never got his bachelor's degree and because he's a respiratory therapist it's not the normal bachelor degree. If...if...we don't want him to have to take a gazillion classes over he has to go back to the college where he obtained his respiratory certificate. Which means...we have to move.
So, the smart thing to do...stick that fear where the sun don't shine, pull courage outta my butt and do what needs to be done. We'll be putting the house up for rent, getting friends and loved ones to take the two dogs, putting some of our stuff in storage and moving up north for a few years. I don't know if we'll be back, we'll see where life takes us...but...we've decided we're not gonna sit around and wait to see what happens next. We're gonna make it happen. I don't ever want to look back and say, "I wish I had finished" again.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Life is scary sometimes
I've never been one to think too highly of myself. Meaning, as a child I was never instilled with the thought that I could do anything I set my mind to. I attribute my lack of "dreams" to that, then again, maybe that's just me and my personality. I'm 52...I've raised five incredible children and I hope I've instilled in them the desire to do whatever they want in life and the self confidence to know that they can do it and now I finally think I'm ready to start believing in myself. My youngest will leave home in just a month or so, he'll be serving a mission for our church that will take him on the journey of a lifetime. He will grow mentally, physically and spiritually and there's a very good chance that he won't ever really live at home again...at least not for long periods of time. That makes me sad and yet, at the same time, it gives me a freedom that I haven't had in over 30 years.
The world is scary out there. I've never thought of myself as someone who needed things to stay the same, or even wanted them to stay the same. Life is all about changing and evolving into the person you want to be. But, to be honest...the thought of going out into the world, of seeing what I have to contribute at my age, makes me almost want to stay at home and be that grandma that waits for her grand-kids to come visit and bakes cookies with them. I said, almost. It simply wouldn't make me a happy camper. And so, I'm looking, hoping and searching for that thing, for that purpose that will allow me the joy and the happiness that I so richly deserve...that we all deserve.
I thought I'd share my journey in a blog. We all struggle with things, we all desire happiness and we all deserve it and maybe by sharing my trails and my struggles, along with some awesome blessings I can help someone out there find their happy place too. Heck, I was even a little scared to start this blog...my greatest challenge...what do I name it? lol Well, I'm sure much of it will simply be me ranting on and on and it will sound like, "blah blah blah" to many of you, but hopefully to some the ranting will mean more than just words on a page. Be happy and enjoy.
The world is scary out there. I've never thought of myself as someone who needed things to stay the same, or even wanted them to stay the same. Life is all about changing and evolving into the person you want to be. But, to be honest...the thought of going out into the world, of seeing what I have to contribute at my age, makes me almost want to stay at home and be that grandma that waits for her grand-kids to come visit and bakes cookies with them. I said, almost. It simply wouldn't make me a happy camper. And so, I'm looking, hoping and searching for that thing, for that purpose that will allow me the joy and the happiness that I so richly deserve...that we all deserve.
I thought I'd share my journey in a blog. We all struggle with things, we all desire happiness and we all deserve it and maybe by sharing my trails and my struggles, along with some awesome blessings I can help someone out there find their happy place too. Heck, I was even a little scared to start this blog...my greatest challenge...what do I name it? lol Well, I'm sure much of it will simply be me ranting on and on and it will sound like, "blah blah blah" to many of you, but hopefully to some the ranting will mean more than just words on a page. Be happy and enjoy.
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