Life is scary sometimes

     I've never been one to think too highly of myself.  Meaning, as a child I was never instilled with the thought that I could do anything I set my mind to.  I attribute my lack of "dreams" to that, then again, maybe that's just me and my personality.  I'm 52...I've raised five incredible children and I hope I've instilled in them the desire to do whatever they want in life and the self confidence to know that they can do it and now I finally think I'm ready to start believing in myself.  My youngest will leave home in just a month or so, he'll be serving a mission for our church that will take him on the journey of a lifetime. He will grow mentally, physically and spiritually and there's a very good chance that he won't ever really live at home again...at least not for long periods of time.  That makes me sad and yet, at the same time, it gives me a freedom that I haven't had in over 30 years.
     The world is scary out there.  I've never thought of myself as someone who needed things to stay the same, or even wanted them to stay the same.  Life is all about changing and evolving into the person you want to be.  But, to be honest...the thought of going out into the world, of seeing what I have to contribute at my age, makes me almost want to stay at home and be that grandma that waits for her grand-kids to come visit and bakes cookies with them.  I said, almost.  It simply wouldn't make me a happy camper.  And so, I'm looking, hoping and searching for that thing, for that purpose that will allow me the joy and the happiness that I so richly deserve...that we all deserve.
     I thought I'd share my journey in a blog.  We all struggle with things, we all desire happiness and we all deserve it and maybe by sharing my trails and my struggles, along with some awesome blessings I can help someone out there find their happy place too.  Heck, I was even a little scared to start this blog...my greatest challenge...what do I name it?  lol  Well, I'm sure much of it will simply be me ranting on and on and it will sound like, "blah blah blah" to many of you, but hopefully to some the ranting will mean more than just words on a page.  Be happy and enjoy.