Happy to be Me

     I have always felt that I could get along with anybody.  Given the chance I could be friends with pretty much any person...truly.  Reason why?  I can listen.  I may not agree or even understand what someone tells me, but I am a very good listener.  I cannot count the number of people who have borne their souls to me, perfect strangers, simply because I was there listening.  Not necessarily anything that I could help them with, but at least they had someone to talk to.
     Even though I have felt animosity towards few people in my life, I have come to realize that there are those who don't like me.  I remember the first time I found out that someone did not consider me a friend.  It hurt me deeply.  It took me quite a while to come to grips with the fact that not everyone would like me in my life time.
     Through the years I've made mistakes.  There was the time when my new friend down the hall in our apartment complex was having a very difficult time with her little daughter.  Her daughter simply would not stop biting other children.  She had expressed her concerns and worries to me repeatedly.  Then, as it would happen, her little girl was over at our apartment and bit my little girl.  Without thinking, I lightly bit the little girl back.  That did not go over well.  Even after my repeated apology my friend did not talk to me for months and then she moved back to her home country of Germany.  I never did find out whether that stopped her daughter from biting.
     Then there was the time when I rolled the window up on a friend while she was in the midst of speaking to me.  Of course she was defending my what would soon be my ex-husband at the time, but still my rudeness, because of being hurt, caused me to lose a good friendship.
     Yes, there have been many times when I've probably said or done something that offended someone simply because I was hurt or I was defending myself from attack.  It's part of life isn't it?  If you haven't experienced that in your life then you truly are a remarkable person and I admire you.  Unfortunately I just haven't been good enough or smart enough to keep my mouth shut.
     While offending others is an unfortunate part of life there is something that each of us can freely give that overcomes all our stupidity...it's called forgiveness.  I've easily given it during my life and then many times I've struggled to give it as well.  But, as I truly contemplate all that forgiveness means to each of us, I can smile.  I smile knowing that if I extend it to those who may have offended me not only do I feel better, but I'm happier.  I'm happy because I know that I'm in charge of me.  I'm in charge of my feelings and what I do with them.
     Nobody, and I mean nobody, can make you feel a certain way.  If you're sad it's because you choose to feel that way.  If you're depressed or angry or lonely it's because YOU choose to feel that way and do nothing about it.  Our life is about taking responsibility for ourselves and being the best that we can be.  I read a scripture that says, "Men are that they might have joy" and I truly believe that that is true with all my heart.  By me forgiving others, and hopefully them forgiving me...by me working to take responsibility for how I feel towards anything or anyone I will find that happiness that is intended for me to have and I will be the person that I want to be.